Folk Festivals and Memories

This weekend is the Mountain Dance and Folk Festival. If you grew up in WNC, you've probably heard of or been to this at least once in your life. Me, I've been many many times - but most of my memories are of meeting at the Westgate parking lot AFTERWARDS, everyone jamming together, taking a little nip out of bottle into the wee hours of the morning. We also were at the Mountain Youth Jamborees, Bascom Lamar Lunsford Festivals at Mars Hill, Fling Dings and of course the Shin Dig on the Green. My Dad and brothers played at Mountain Winderness camp ground in Burnsville on weekends during the summer, every holiday has a soundtrack...I was lucky to grow up in house filled with music. Bluegrass to Classical to Rock to Pop to Folk, we had it all.

When I think of my Dad's life the two things that stand out besides family are his military service and his music. I wish he could enjoy the Folk Festival just one more time....

Be kind and make good decisions.

Manic Monday

The sun is going down, sounds like storms are rolling in and I am finally sitting with my feet UP.

Poppa has not had a good couple of weeks. He is getting weaker and more feeble everyday. I told my sister Saturday that it was the worst I've seen him. Saturday and Sunday he would not open his eyes and it was very difficult to move him. Abbie spent the night on Saturday and she could not understand why DanDaddy wouldn't open his eyes for her - "He always does!" He is a little stronger and more alert today but he still has trouble responding. I'm hoping he will sleep tonight and be even better tomorrow. The sleep pattern thing is starting to really affect my Mother. I see her getting weaker and more feeble as well. She is need of some major surgery on her hip, but will not plan anything because of Dad. Hard head Ayatollah.

The kids and Terry being here during the day has thrown me off my schedule. We've kept Dad on his, but mine has gone all haywire. Hopefully this week I can get it together and answer emails, update web pages and get back into my comforting housework routine. It will sure help my mood. Being a little OCD (yes, I said a LITTLE) I hate flying by the seat of my pants. Makes me feel all scattered.

The quiet has set in, so I am going to enjoy it for awhile.

And remember, be kind and make good decisions.

Seperation Anxiety

It's been a busy surreal couple of weeks at the G-H House. I went to college orientation with Bo last week. God help me come the third week in August, one moving into a dorm and the other starting high school. I may be medicated for about a month! Are you kidding me? They had us drop our student off at the dorm (he had to stay on campus, I stayed at the Hampton Inn) to check in - and I mean drop off. I drove up he got out and they waved me on. Well, people, I cried as he walked in! I would see him in 15 minutes across campus for the opening session and I CRIED! He's in Hilton Head with our church this week (just until Saturday) and you would think he's touring Europe for the next 8 weeks...I am a wreck. Part of the reason is LeaLea has stayed with my sister-in-law and mother-in-law for the past few nights so I don't have her to smother. I hope I get a grip on things before he leaves for real....

On top of that, Dad is sick. It is just a cold - mild fever, cough, congestion, but he looks and feels horrible. At this stage in his disease, even allergies can mean a hospital visit, so we are hydrating, saline up the nose and trying to keep him cool as possible in this heat wave. I looked at him tonight and the reality that he might not have much time here with us really hit me. He is beginning to look like the people at the end I've seen in the books and films about AD. Now, don't read too much into that, tomorrow he may be his shiny self or what has become his shiny self, but tonight he truly looks frail.

If I step back, I think Dad's weakness is part of the reason I am clinging to the kids so much lately. That scares me. It's like after 911. Every Mother I knew kept her kids in her sight for weeks. If something goes wrong I want them within arms length so I can grab them.

I usually have a pretty good outlook about Dad and his illness, but with so much change happening around here with the kids, Big T's job, trying to sell our house - I think I've used up all my positive attitude. I am ready for a big ole pity party. Bring on the wine and whine!

So, I am going to stop before I get really ugly...and try to
Be kind and make good decisions.

Mar

Friday? Who Cares?

Today is Friday. That doesn't mean much to me. All my days are the same, except Saturdays and Sundays there are a few more people in the house. Well, not completely true, but close. Big T is home during the day right now. He was or is in the process of being laid off from his job. Just another bit of excitement to my life right now. Between Dad, Ty's graduation, Terry's job, my father-in-law and just the day to day life - I'm asking that question, "How much more can I stand?" T's Dad is having TIA's (mini-strokes) and it worries me that they are a precursor to something else. So, maybe God allowed Terry this time off so that he could spend more time with his Dad?

We are still dealing with cleaning out and sorting through the old house. I can't wait to get out from under the mortgage and utilities at that house. It would be a big relief for us. I cannot believe the amount of STUFF we have accumulated in 22 years. You could fit everything we need in the back of T's truck and haul 4 or 5 tractor trailer loads to goodwill and the dump of the things we don't need or haven't even seen in 2 years. Getting it done and sold will be a very happy day around here.

Poppa is on an up cycle right now. He has slept good for two nights, fed himself breakfast and LUNCH for two days and will answer simple questions. This disease is perplexing. You would think that if he was unable to feed himself for weeks then that ability was just lost, BUT NO! He might not pick up the spoon for 10 days and then suddenly one morning he's feeding himself not only his cereal, put picking up the cup to drink juice!?

His Boo Bear is still hanging around. He has not taken to it like I thought he would, but he doesn't oppose it being beside him in bed or on the table by his chair. He may just need more time for it to become familiar.

The research for the atomic testing that he participated in has kept me busy. He was in Nevada during the Buster Jangle series of tests. He was part of the troops who observed the Shot Dog that took place on November 1, 1951. It is very interesting and I wish I had asked him about his time in the military when he still rememebered.
So that's my advice today. If you have loved ones who are older - ask them questions, write down names, dates, adventures. Because things you don't think are important today, may mean the world to you tomorrow.
Be Kind and make good decisions!

Poppa and the Boo Bear

We recently finished watching the Alzheimer's Project that was on HBO - or should I say, I finished watching it. There was at least one segment that I would not let Mother watch. I thought it would be too hard for her to see the condition of some of the patients we were introduced to. Even though Poppa is as bad or worse than many of them, it was different being on the outside looking in. What I'm used to in my own home, was difficult to watch on TV. It was interesting to see how other people accept the condition of their loved one. Every emotion I saw, I have experienced - anger, confusion, fear, sorrow and wondering why. It also made me start to wonder about my future, my siblings future and my children's future. My Dad technically has vascular dementia with Alzheimer's - the vascular dementia is caused by damage to his brain from lack of blood/oxygen. He has a portion of his brain damaged that is about the size of a quarter that can been seen on a scan. So, we aren't in as much danger to inherit cognitive problems as most, but the possibility is still out there.

The thing that shocked me the most in the documentary was learning about two of the individuals professions. We always hear about how we are supposed to be exercising our brains as much as our bodies, which I think is true. But, it will not keep you from getting Alzheimer's. One of the women was a Physicist and one of the men helped develop the computer systems we use today. Highly intelligent, brain exercising people. The scientists have concluded that the best thing we can do for our brain is to take care of our body. If we are physically fit, our brain is more likely to be. I guess this means I need to get my lazy behind up and start moving more. It will be good for my brain and will probably keep me from having a relapse with my cancer.

I started something this week with Poppa that I'm hoping will work. He has a new friend. We call him Boo Bear. He is a bear that one of the grand kids had or someone gave Mom around Halloween one year and he has been sitting around. We are putting him in the bed with Dad and sitting him on the table beside his chair during the day. I thought it would be something he could get used to seeing - something familiar - and it's soft to the touch - something comforting...I am hoping that it will eventually be an item that will help calm or comfort him. This was a great tip I received from someone else who is caring for an AD parent. The community of caregivers is wonderful. What works for us, might work for someone else so it's worth sharing any ideas you have.

Time to start this Tuesday - Be kind and make good decisions.

Acceptance

Watched Maria Shriver on GMA this morning and they showed clips of when she testified before Congress regarding Alzheimer's and how it has impacted her life and the many other lives around our country. Every time I see it, I get choked up when she tells of her Father attending Mass everyday and still knows the Hail Mary, but does not know she is his daughter. My Mom and Dad have said the 23rd Psalm together every night for years, when he was still speaking, he would say it with her every night even though he didn't know her, or where he was at. She still reads scripture to him and says the Psalm and most nights he just lies there with his eyes shut but there are some nights he mouths some of the words or watches her closely until she finishes. When my granddaughter is here in the evenings and it is time to start Dad to bed (which is a 30 minute to hour) she always asks if she can stay and "pray" with DanDaddy. She waits patiently until we get him in the bed and then she comes in and holds his and NahNah's hands and says the words she remembers. She is learning the 23rd Psalm this way. She then kisses him and always says, "don't let the bedbugs bite!" - which makes me sad because she used to just say, "don't let the bugs bite!"

Another thing that I always relate to when I she speaks, is about how she and her family have learned to accept who her Father is now, not who he used to be. My Mother and I both talk about that often. Mom says it's like he's a different person. She still loves him, but when she reminisces about the past, she doesn't think of the person sitting in the chair next to her as being the one in her memories.

Many families with sick loved ones have to work at getting to that place of acceptance. When you learn to accept (one of the definitions on dictionary.com is: to regard as normal, suitable, or usual) then you can love and be happy with the person. I know a sweet woman who's husband is very sick and she still talks to him about the bills, the yardwork that needs to be done and many daily things she used to talk to him about. He is no position to be able to do anything about the yardwork, etc. and in many ways it justs give him something to be worried and obsess about. She doesn't realize that she is only making herself and her husband more unhappy. She has a new normal and needs to recognize that.

I don't do everything right while caring for Poppa. Right now, my job is to keep him happy, comfortable and as healthy as I can. Somedays I do all three and somedays I can't even get one - but I accept that.

Be kind and make good decisions!

Tornado Warning here?

Tornado Warning here? Yep, that's right, we had a tornado warning around 11am this morning. I was going about my morning as usual when LeaLea texted me and said, "Get in the bathroom!" I thought she had LOST her mind. But after turning on the TV and getting additional texts from Big T and Robert I realized there was something going on. I wasn't as concerned (as I probably should have been) because the rain and wind were both minimal here, but I did start to consider where I should take Dad if the weather did turn bad. Where can I put a wheelchair, oxygen tank, Mom and I that will be safe but easy. The hallway runs down the center of the house so that seems like the most logical place. LeaLea said they made them go into the bathrooms. Not the whole school, just the special ed kids that she works with. The rest of the school was sitting in the hallways. In the end, nothing bad happened, just a little excitement to screw up our routine.