It's been a busy surreal couple of weeks at the G-H House. I went to college orientation with Bo last week. God help me come the third week in August, one moving into a dorm and the other starting high school. I may be medicated for about a month! Are you kidding me? They had us drop our student off at the dorm (he had to stay on campus, I stayed at the Hampton Inn) to check in - and I mean drop off. I drove up he got out and they waved me on. Well, people, I cried as he walked in! I would see him in 15 minutes across campus for the opening session and I CRIED! He's in Hilton Head with our church this week (just until Saturday) and you would think he's touring Europe for the next 8 weeks...I am a wreck. Part of the reason is LeaLea has stayed with my sister-in-law and mother-in-law for the past few nights so I don't have her to smother. I hope I get a grip on things before he leaves for real....
On top of that, Dad is sick. It is just a cold - mild fever, cough, congestion, but he looks and feels horrible. At this stage in his disease, even allergies can mean a hospital visit, so we are hydrating, saline up the nose and trying to keep him cool as possible in this heat wave. I looked at him tonight and the reality that he might not have much time here with us really hit me. He is beginning to look like the people at the end I've seen in the books and films about AD. Now, don't read too much into that, tomorrow he may be his shiny self or what has become his shiny self, but tonight he truly looks frail.
If I step back, I think Dad's weakness is part of the reason I am clinging to the kids so much lately. That scares me. It's like after 911. Every Mother I knew kept her kids in her sight for weeks. If something goes wrong I want them within arms length so I can grab them.
I usually have a pretty good outlook about Dad and his illness, but with so much change happening around here with the kids, Big T's job, trying to sell our house - I think I've used up all my positive attitude. I am ready for a big ole pity party. Bring on the wine and whine!
So, I am going to stop before I get really ugly...and try to
Be kind and make good decisions.
Mar
