Watched Maria Shriver on GMA this morning and they showed clips of when she testified before Congress regarding Alzheimer's and how it has impacted her life and the many other lives around our country. Every time I see it, I get choked up when she tells of her Father attending Mass everyday and still knows the Hail Mary, but does not know she is his daughter. My Mom and Dad have said the 23rd Psalm together every night for years, when he was still speaking, he would say it with her every night even though he didn't know her, or where he was at. She still reads scripture to him and says the Psalm and most nights he just lies there with his eyes shut but there are some nights he mouths some of the words or watches her closely until she finishes. When my granddaughter is here in the evenings and it is time to start Dad to bed (which is a 30 minute to hour) she always asks if she can stay and "pray" with DanDaddy. She waits patiently until we get him in the bed and then she comes in and holds his and NahNah's hands and says the words she remembers. She is learning the 23rd Psalm this way. She then kisses him and always says, "don't let the bedbugs bite!" - which makes me sad because she used to just say, "don't let the bugs bite!"
Another thing that I always relate to when I she speaks, is about how she and her family have learned to accept who her Father is now, not who he used to be. My Mother and I both talk about that often. Mom says it's like he's a different person. She still loves him, but when she reminisces about the past, she doesn't think of the person sitting in the chair next to her as being the one in her memories.
Many families with sick loved ones have to work at getting to that place of acceptance. When you learn to accept (one of the definitions on dictionary.com is: to regard as normal, suitable, or usual) then you can love and be happy with the person. I know a sweet woman who's husband is very sick and she still talks to him about the bills, the yardwork that needs to be done and many daily things she used to talk to him about. He is no position to be able to do anything about the yardwork, etc. and in many ways it justs give him something to be worried and obsess about. She doesn't realize that she is only making herself and her husband more unhappy. She has a new normal and needs to recognize that.
I don't do everything right while caring for Poppa. Right now, my job is to keep him happy, comfortable and as healthy as I can. Somedays I do all three and somedays I can't even get one - but I accept that.
Be kind and make good decisions!
2 comments:
Martha I can relate to some of the things you are going through. You are an awesome daughter, mother, grandmother, and friend. You are loved.
That makes so much sense. It is why I feel like I've been a widow for years, rather than months. I lost David long before he died. Once I accepted that I no longer had a husband, but I still had someone to love and care for then life was easier. It even became easier to be responsible for everything. Once I let go of the past and accepted life as it was, I also let go of the resentment of having to do all the things that he once done. You and your mother are wise women!
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