Tonight my heart is heavy. The daily struggle of caring for Dad has become routine but the emotional demand changes so much day to day. Mothers can relate to the roller coaster. There are days that go smoothly, there are days that I feel like I have bargained with him all day, there are many days I just give in, there are days you just let it go because nothing is going like it should. I remember having the same emotions and exhaustion when the kids were little. So what's harder? Being a daughter having to do things for your Father you never anticipated or being a Mother and being unable to do something for your child.
I said my heart is heavy. Tonight it isn't because of Poppa. Tonight I had to watch my child come to terms with a big disappointment. No details. I have watched this child go through so much in their short life and never be down or despondent. Tonight my child cried. So, here I sit trying to figure out how to fix things. To make the situation okay. But, this is not something a Mother can change or repair. I have to let this go. I will still offer encouragement and comfort, I will try to make it better, but I cannot change what happened. So, that's why I sit here at midnight crying and doing my best to keep from crawling into bed with my baby and holding them all night.
So, what's harder? Watching the man I thought was invincible slowly wither away or watching my baby and knowing that this is not the last pain they will experience or the last time they will be let down.
I think I've lost the battle -I think I'm going to crawl into bed with my child. Goodnight and blessings.
2 comments:
I hope you did :-)
crawl in while you still can. I do and it is good for both of us.
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